Back to School with Systems & Routines

I have been a public school teacher for 20 years. I have literally seen it ALL! I work in a large school district and have been privileged to work with every population of students you can imagine. I've worked with ages 5-22. I've worked with non-verbal students, highly gifted students, non-English speaking students. I've worked with students who come with a ton of trauma as well as students who have every privilege imaginable. I love different things about each population. I could write forever about all the lessons I've learned from my experiences in schools as a teacher, a dean, an administrator, and now as a school based behaviorist.

This was the first full week of school in my district. The stress level was high for students, parents, teachers, and staff. There are new safety procedures, new rules, and a lot of uncertainty as we watch the rising numbers of Covid cases. Teachers want desperately to "catch kids up" after 15 months of distance learning. There are lots of 1st graders who have never been inside of a school before, and who have missed all those great things you learn in kindergarten that are a vital foundation for future success. These babies don't know how to sit "criss-cross-applesauce," they've never experienced "carpet time" or "circle time," and they've never learned to line up to walk to lunch. The list goes on and on. The point is, that before academic learning can happen we need to slow down and teach all these systems and routines in order build a strong foundation that will allow teachers to have attentive, responsive students who are able to learn.

At work last week I drove from school to school where teachers were reaching out for help with classroom behavior crises as soon as the first bell rang on the first day. What these teachers all needed was to step back and release their sense of urgency to impart knowledge of reading, math, and science. Classroom systems and routines are what these kids need first. Teach them how to ask for help. Re-learn how to express frustration appropriately. Re-visit how to let someone know you're hungry. Hey- we're all used to grazing snacks all day, and taking breaks whenever we need one for the past year and a half. There's a huge amount of adjustment happening for both adults and kiddos! I caught myself being short with a teacher and had to apologize and admit that I was a bit "hangry." Once students get used to the systems and routines of how to get their basic needs met, then, and only then, can academic learning begin.

Systems and routines take some work to put in place. I'd be lying if I said it doesn't take effort. But, there's a huge return on investment. Like a lot of things, the hardest part is getting started. That's where it can help to work with someone who has a lot of experience, and can get you going as easily as possible. I can help you come up with morning routines, homework routines, and nighttime routines for your household. Routines are made up of systems. For example, your after-school routine might look like this:

1. Snack

2. Outside play time

3. Homework

To make this afterschool routine work, there need to be systems in place and you need to decide things like, "should I have a snack basket in the pantry and a snack bin in the fridge from which my kid can pick anything they want?" "will I make a custom snack every afternoon based on what my kid asks for?" "maybe I need to add a variety of snack items to my weekly grocery list so we don't run out and end up hitting the drive-thru regularly." Putting some thought into these routines lays a foundation. Your kid knows what to expect, and knows what the limits are. No surprises. No drama.

One routine that I've created for myself is to spend about 20 minutes on Saturday updating the calendar with everyone's activities for the upcoming week. Then I figure out which days everyone should be home to eat dinner together. I plan those meals and write them in my planner. I add the groceries that I need for those meals and all the weekly staples into my Amazon Fresh cart and schedule a delivery for Sunday morning.

Knowing I at least have cereal, milk, eggs, bread, fruit, coffee and creamer makes me feel organized and guarantees that Monday morning no one will go to work or school hungry. Having at least 3-4 meals planned and ingredients in the house means that I am not driving like a crazy person on the freeway after dropping one kid off at dance class to try to get to Trader Joe's and make it back for pick up. Notice I said 3-4 meals. I am not a crazy person. There's a night of the week that my youngest has dance until late. I do not kid myself that we are going to make dinner for her at 9:00 pm. She gets a burrito at Chipotle that night because it's a healthier choice of fast food! I also make sure that one of those meals is a Crock Pot/Instant Pot meal, or something that will "hold" well because one night my son works at his after school job until 9:30 pm. Instead of grabbing a burger (which admittedly he sometimes does) I like knowing there's a big piece of lasagna, or some easy pulled pork ready for him when he gets home. And it would be nuts to think that there's not going to be some nights when pizza or DoorDash get built into the mix.

My point is this: Parents need to spend the time to put systems and routines in place in order to avoid rapidly increasing levels of mayhem at home. If you are already at a point of mayhem, it's never too late to regroup. Recognizing your strengths or your need for help in this area is the most important thing. Some parents just need to step back, slow down and put some concrete things in place. Other parents need a lot more help and support. Parents who struggle with executive function skills or ADD often benefit from support getting started with putting routines together, and sometimes like to have periodic appointments to check-in.

In my private practice one of my absolute favorite things is to help parents and older students (middle school and above) create systems and routines make life better for themselves and their families. I can work with you in your home, or in my office in Manhattan Beach, CA. One of the positive things that Covid left us with was the power of telehealth, so I also am continuing to work with clients by Zoom.

Make this the year that you don't forget about school picture day, the year you meet all the due dates, and the year you actually do make it to back to school night, because it was on your calendar! I look forward to helping you reach your goals.